In this day and age many teens and young adults have increasing been loosing their self esteem. The explosion of social media and influencer culture has further deepened this issue, and as of now there is no sight of this slowing down. Due to all of this, many of us started feeling like we are not enough.
Unfortunately this kind of mindset leads us into being exploited by others who do not have our best interest in mind. While we can blame these people for their mistreatment, the fault at least partially is also our own, since we are the ones who permit others mistreat us.
This essentially is an essence of what is being captured by the aforementioned quote, commonly attributed to Mark Twain. Unfortunately there has been no evidence to suggest that Twain has written these words in any of his books. Nevertheless, we exploring this quote can bring a few valuable lessons to our life.
Who was Mark Twain?
Samuel Langhorne Clemens commonly known under the Pseudonym Mark Twain, was a prominent author, lecturer, humorist and much more. He is widely known for some of his books, including one of the most popular novels “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer”. Similarly to Benjamin Franklin, by the age of 18 Samuel had already mastered the craft of printing trade and started working in a printing shop in New York. Some time later, being young and restless, Samuel has booked a steamboat cruise to South America hoping to find riches there, however once boarded he quickly found himself being passionate about operating boats. Taking immediate action, for a no small fee of $500 Samuel has persuaded the captain of the steamboat to take him on as an apprentice. It is believed that during his time as a steamboat captain he adopted his pen name “Mark Twain” which means two fathoms(12 feet) of water depth.
What Is The Meaning Of The Quote?
In our day and age, many individuals greatly underestimate themselves and their worth. It all starts from the early childhood. We go to school, we get bad grades, our teachers and/or parents tell us we are not very smart. All the fake and photoshopped models on the posters and TV screens tell us we are not that good looking. Finally the constant obsession with various different social media platforms let us believe that we are not as successful as others, or to put it bluntly a failure.
All of these external events influence us into believing one simple lie, we are not enough. This destroys our self esteem, and not only do we strive to be happy with average, but when we attain something which is considered by others to be above average( i.e. career, education, job, salary, spouse) we are petrified of loosing it.
On the other hand, others might have had good teachers or private tutoring, so they excelled in school, they might naturally have some attractive features or have a knack for dressing well. Perhaps others had a lot of siblings or friends, hence they have figured out how to be gregarious and popular at a young age. These individuals have been fed a different kind of lie, that they are the best and can have whatever the world has to offer. Unfortunately this is just as dangerous as having low self esteem.
Herein comes the issue of being exploited by others. One set of people believes they are entitled to do whatever they like, another thinks that they should be happy with breadcrumbs. Hence, when an entitled person engages with someone who has low self worth they will quickly start pushing their personal boundaries with no end in sight. This happens in many walks of life, from friendships, employment to relationships.
Therefore, the aforementioned quote is trying to tell us not to be a pushover, to be ok with loosing someone who has no respect or who assigns no value to you. To understand that they will, without any concerns, forget about your existence when they get bored or find someone else.
Codependency in relationships
While not all too common but there are usually enough cases where one spouse puts the other on the pedestal. They shower them with gifts, undivided attention and try to please them in every way imaginable. At first, many would try to describe such gestures as sweet and romantic, unfortunately not only is this type of behaviour extremely unhealthy, but if done on a daily basis can quickly turn into an exploitative marriage. It creates a dynamic of reward- punishment, where one spouse will reward or punish the other based on how much how little they did for them. Soon enough, this kind of relationship will end with one partner doing all the chores, taking care of all responsibilities and that would still not be enough to satisfy their other half. Soon their partner starts looking elsewhere, giving more attention to their friends or complete strangers. This is also usually the time where infidelity starts and sudden discussions about “open marriage” take place.
Understand, taking the route of trying to please others all the time is unhealthy, but many people do it because either consciously or subconsciously they are afraid of loosing their partner. The reason they are so afraid of loosing their spouse is because they believe they will never find someone else. Sadly with this kind of belief they become unimportant and disposable in the eyes of their other half. What you need to do is start taking back control before its too late, stop trying to make your partner the purpose of your life and start setting boundaries. If your relationship has gone so far that setting boundaries is not possible then cut off any further contact.
Employer Dependency
Yet another place where the previously mentioned quote is useful is in your work life. Every single one of us starts our career with being essentially replaceable and expendable. Fortunately as we become proficient in our craft it becomes harder and harder to replace us. However, that does not stop some employers from mistreating and taking our efforts for granted. The following are some of the ways you can avoid being treated as an “optional” employee :
- Always be on a lookout for another opportunity
Many employers will repeat one phrase over and over again, “We are family”, this became a cliché saying over the years, what it really means is, you will need to put all your effort into our business and we still reserve the right to pay you as little as possible and fire you any day we feel like. Unfortunately the only way around this is to have other options available to you. Therefore, never shy away from interviews and always keep your resume up to date for a better opportunity that may come your way.
If in a rare situation you have a manager who appreciates you and follows through on annual raises, sometimes doing overtime should not be an issue. What is an issue is if you are doing overtime because you are scared that you will get fired if you don’t. If that is the case, cut back on any overtime and put all your effort into trying to find another job. Do not put an extra second into an employer who threatens you with termination.
Never think that it is optional for you to get pay raises, with the yearly rate inflation your salary constantly depreciates, on the other hand your skills increase. Therefore, never let any manager convince you that pay raises are optional, a minimum pay raise must offset the rate of annual inflation, a good pay raise must offset inflation and consider the increase of your skills in your line of work
In conclusion, you can see that there are many circumstances where this quote can be useful, so always remember, set healthy boundaries, and never be afraid to walk away from situations where those boundaries are not respected.